I don’t know where else to turn. I’m not even sure myself. If my parents knew anything, they’d kill me, my friends would desert me, and as of Chris, I don’t think he’s ready or willing to be a daddy right now.
I’m so scared. I’m not due to get my period for a few days, but ever since that party I can’t stop thinking about the possibility, the chance that in nine months I’m going to be a 17-year-old lonely mother that everyone’s going to look down upon. What am I going to do?
Oh, God, I never meant to let this happen. Everything seemed so right. He said he loved me, he said he didn’t want to take my senior year away from me, so that’s why we’re not considered ‘boyfriend/girlfriend.’ But I love Chris. I still do.
Question now is whether or not he’ll still love me if I’m pregnant.
What about Mom and Dad? They’ll hate me. Mom will be so disappointed. Her ‘I told you he was a jerk and I knew you’d fall for him again’ look will now be combined with a ‘You wanted me to treat you as an adult, responsible and mature, but you sure haven’t proved to me by your actions of being adult. Maybe now you’ll grow up.’
I can’t take that. I’ll run away somewhere, somewhere far. No one will ever know. Besides, if someone does find out, they won’t care. They’ll leave me anyway.
But wait, what about me? What am I going to do? All my plans for college are now delayed. Financially, I don’t think $211.78 in the bank will get me too far, and raising a baby! I’ve never even changed a diaper!
Another life watching me, and learning from me. Oh, like I’m supposed to be to be a perfect example! Yeah, right! He/she will grow up feeling empty because he/she will think they were a mistake. But no life is a mistake. Everyone is put here for a reason and how they got here doesn’t matter.
Granted I hadn’t planned on sleeping over at Chris’s party and I (we) hadn’t planned on spending the night together, but I’ll never regret it. I don’t regret this happening either. I’m just scared. I just feel alone and afraid to tell anyone.
God, I know I can’t go back and change things, but will you help me? I need someone.
This entry in a young girl’s diary reflects the feelings of many other teenage girls in her situation. The fear, isolation, hurt and low self-esteem are painfully clear.
Some may wonder why she didn’t think of all this before she acted. Maybe she did think about the consequences of pregnancy, but never thought it could happen to her. Or perhaps she thought it was a way to be with someone she believed really care for her.
Whatever the reason, it’s no longer the issue. The first step is finding out whether she will be a mother. The second stop is whether or not she’ll keep the baby. That is a decision based on each woman’s situation.
Whatever happens, the biggest things she’ll need are help and support, especially from parents and friends.
Don’t isolate her, please.
Jenny Jenkins is a Reporter for Youth Journalism International.
